How can I develop self-confidence and self-esteem?
You regain self-confidence and self-esteem by tuning into your purpose. But how, you ask?
Ever struggled to find something interesting about yourself?
Whether it be in a sweaty interview room or making conversation around a dinner table, it can be difficult at times. Trust me, I know. All I could muster up to the question “what’s interesting about you?” I’d respond tail between legs with:
“Oh, I can tell you I have a nipple piercing”
“Let me show you how to beatbox…“
I guess it could be better right?
Yep, we’ve all been there and it’s relevant as the insignificant things about ourselves are what we tend to focus on. Now that’s where we fall prone to self-doubt, self-deprivation and just about finding the thing that’s least valuable about ourselves.
Now I needn’t mean you should now think you are the next Messiah but be aware you have the ability to find something bigger. That bigger something is in our innate ability to help others.
I find many people doubt their worth and ability to add value to others’ lives, drumming up that they’re a speck in the ocean, or that their actions won’t make any more difference than did being knocked out of the semi-finals of the World Cup to English pride.
If you experience these thought patterns, stop for this one second and if you take anything away from this, just remember these things:
Our experiences alone are unique;
Our journey’s through life are unique;
and Our stories are interesting.
Don’t you agree?
Your current state right now may not allow you to climb mountains just yet, but it is all necessary for you becoming your better self on the other side. The wisdom and know-how you gain from hardships and your journey, others might chop a leg off to hear. Sharing your struggle is more valuable to others than your success.
If you need inspiration to figure out your story, maybe sharing mine will help.
MY WAKE-UP CALL
It all started from adolescence when life suddenly took a steep turn.
I was once a young, naive young lad throwing himself into university, without a care in the world for preparing for what was to come, believing the wool mum wrapped me in would soften the blows.
The wool did nothing. Life literally hit me like a wrecking ball; the pressures of life, failing to meet my own expectations and dealing with my alien brain had me spiralling into social disconnectedness and struggling to find my own feet. Before you know it, I was battling with diagnosed mental health issues; anxiety and depression.
This stuff is no joke, and it felt like it’d never end – I remember feeling brain-dead and zombified, barely recalling what I’d had for breakfast in the morning.
In confusion, I remember being so fearful to leave my room, it was a prison to the outside world, socialising with the flatmates was my worst nightmare. I created a fantasy – nothing like Knights, Dragons and Princesses – but my very own mental asylum. Built within it, this “crazy” outcast, a stranger not fit for the outside world: me, myself and I.
The deepest, darkest dreams of free-falling from the sky then followed, idyllic hey?
The opposite… My mind wanted escape to hit the rock-hard deathly floor.
BANG. CRACK. SILENCE…
My mind called it quits.
How would it feel to have the one person you can count on (you), turn their back and give up?
Yeah, you read that right.
For some time, I thought I was done for, that things would never change, and that I would never be accepted.
I thought that I’d had to suck it up, man-up and move on. That sharing my suffering was a quick reason for someone to judge me as weak, strange, or as a failure. You could say I was anxious about being depressed.
Fortunately, enough, I’m now on the tail end of this experience, now standing to use adversity as a way to feel empathy for those with low self-esteem, mental-health issues or insecurities.
Once me, and once extremely real – there is always a way out.
Fast forward to now a time I’m mustering up the confidence to frolic around women, serving bubbly with nothing but an apron on, shoot acting for ITV, all the way to taking a step into the unknown with setting up my own business and sharing my story. I know this may not be for everyone, but it is a living example of turning it all around.
Now my story may not necessarily sound like sex, drugs and rock & roll – but it is one of the key issues that many and especially many young males suffer with, which is self-esteem.
It all starts with comparisons “Oh, he must have it all”, or “I’m not the ripped, fine or the intelligent person I should be” well that would be a bloody fine achievement, but sometimes perfection isn’t realistic.
It also doesn’t help that men are pre-defined to be the hunter gatherers, bread winners and strong, capable roles in society. This toxic view has become the bane to many men suffering silently.
Therefore, by sharing my past I feel it is my purpose to knock back the “c’mon, man-up” mentality and share the message that “it’s okay not to be okay, but let’s make a change”.
So, HOW did I find the courage to turn my life around and the confidence to deliver with purpose?
It’s simpler than you think. I started looking after myself.
You NEED to be satisfied and happy in yourself before you then lend a hand to others.
I owe it to the power of proper nutrition, keeping fit and being mindful for beating back self-doubt and realising my self-worth, so much so that it gave me the confidence for finding my own purpose.
Whilst one of the pillars of change is fitness; it is a world dominated by big-ego’s, and gym’s made to be scary places by the juiced-up, sweaty fellas we associate grunting like a man who’s stubbed his toe on the radiator.
Then there’s nutrition which is overcrowded with dangerous dogma and crazy extremes.
Finally, Mindfulness; seen as the thing only the guys in bright orange robes do, weird woo woo stuff where your mind drifts off into another realm and never comes back.
Well I discovered that these are HUGE misconceptions and such needless barriers to discovering this beautiful and empowering practice.
They need to be challenged.
Here, I find my purpose, that is to make the three things that healed and transformed me into something that should be simple, approachable, fun, practical and most importantly seen as the key to building back self-confidence and regaining positive mental-wellbeing.
If you’re still in a rut over improving self-confidence with purpose, then maybe this can help you:
By taking little steps and building up little-wins you’ll soon find your personal power and be on the way to fulfilling your purpose: To be the best person you can be, to yourself and the rest of the world – now that has a better ring to it, than the nipple piercing ever would.